The Worst Movies of 2006

Preface: I mercifully didn’t see very many bad movies this year. Certainly none that rival my hatred for The Aviator. In fact, I don’t feel particularly strongly about any of them, but of course I’ll beef up my hatred for the sake of this list.

5. The Da Vinci Code

Not a particularly good book (if someone tells you anything by Dan Brown is one of their favorite books, discard their knowledge of all pop culture as irrelevant), but certainly an exciting one. Although you might find yourself throwing the book across the room in a rage fueled by its utter disregard for believability, it is fairly well the definition of a page-turner. Unfortunately, the movie is neither good nor exciting. First we have the terrible casting of all the main characters (Harrison Ford, at age 64, would have made a better Robert Langdon than the all too loveable and wimpy Tom Hanks). And what were they thinking with Ron Howard? One of the most bland, literal directors operating today brought nothing interesting to the production. Even Audrey Tautou, a very lovely actress, was too obvious a choice. Can you imagine what a different movie this could have been with the same script but this line-up: Alfonso Cuaron, Daniel Craig, and Sophie Marceau?

4. The Lakehouse



The passionate chemistry between Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock was lost after Speed. Maybe they’re both too old, or too married, but it feels like this is their 50^th wedding anniversary. In other words, they are in love but boringly so. On top of that, it makes no sense. Literally sit there with a pencil and paper and try to make some sense of the timeline (not to mention how they could possibly own the same dog), and you’ll agree it’s impossible. And no, the story isn’t good enough to overlook this ridiculousness.

3. Superman Returns



Oh what a train wreck. Can someone please ban Kate Bosworth and her ribs from making movies? And Kevin Spacey’s days as an arch villain should have ended with Keyser Soze. But I won’t argue with the choice of Brandon Routh, he was physically perfect and a decent enough (if not good) actor for the part. What’s really upsetting is how lackluster everyone is. It’s like they are living in a nightmare that they can’t wait to wake up from. Batman had more gusto for life and I think Metropolis would be a more joyful hometown than Gotham City! They should have made Superman Begins instead of Returns ... oh and also with a completely different cast and script.

2. Cars



I don’t see why everyone went so ga-ga for this animated drivel. Sure Paul Newman was pretty cute as a blue chevy (or whatever he was), but the story was so contrived and snore-worthy. Cars do not make good animated characters. Penguins do! Happy Feet was much better.

1. The Devil Wears Prada



The more praise a film gets that I did not like, the higher it’s pushed on this list. I can understand the love for Meryl Streep – excellent as always – but otherwise this movie has no soul. We’re suppose to relate to Anne Hathaway’s character, the everyday girl shoved into the New York fashion world, but she makes such inane choices like cheating on her amazing farm-boy boyfriend (Adrien Grenier of Entourage, wildly miscast) and we’re still suppose to sympathize with her and cheer when he takes her back? That’s not laudable, in my mind, and neither is this movie.