I feel like introducing yet another series of entries, because they make blogging more fun. This one is about insights into the brain of me. Yes, exciting, I know.
I am a person that doesn't like being told what to do, ever. Just on principle. I could agree 100% that what you are telling me to do is something that I should be doing (or even want to be doing!), but by telling me to do it you just made me 50% less likely to enjoy it. Or more. I am the boss of me, not you!
I don't care if you're older than me, responsible for me, in charge of me at work, or gave birth to me - at the end of the day we all have just as much right to be on this planet and to make whatever choices we deem appropriate. So leave me alone and maybe I'll do what you want anyways. And chances are you could probably just do it yourself!
I thought I was done there but I'm going to continue with a sidebar. Sidebar: this doesn't mean I wouldn't love to help you, with almost whatever you need. Just don't make it an order, or ask in a condescending way. Bad #1: "Time to take out the garbage, Tammy!" Bad #2: "Well don't you think you should help with the dishes? It would be a nice thing to do. That's a good girl." Good: "Hey, I was wondering if you could help me bring in these boxes? They're super heavy and my back is killing me."
My grandmother is, like most old people, notorious for the second one. And it kills me because I love to help her with things because she's old, but asking that way makes me really not want to.
My mother is bad at framing her question like #3 but making it sound so fake and condescending that it has the same effect as my grandmother. I don't want your brownie points, Mommy! [Still love you, for the record.]
Matt tends to just tell me what to do, but he always appreciates my help in a "partner" type of way, not a "brownie points" kind of way ... so that makes me more eager to help him, even when he doesn't give me the option of saying no!
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2 comments:
First off, yes I am in a comment sprinkling mood and I haven't caught up with your posts.
Oops - I guess my comment on "I would never marry a man that ... (pt 3)" was put in the wrong way. If I had read this first, I may have phrased things differently, but maybe not.
I am both stubborn and truthful, which is why I don't like political correctness or being told how to change how I'm delivering information. I have no problems being blunt and saying what I think. Conversely, I don't have a problem telling someone what I think they should do. I find it very counter-intuitive when someone reacts poorly to that.
The reason why is because my immediate family is a group of very stubborn people that will tell you what they think. Repeatedly. Sometimes in the course of a few minutes. Dealing with that means that the content of what someone says is important, but the delivery is less important.
So what I'm getting at is that I'm used to being told, sometimes in a way that really grates, to do stuff, but it doesn't bother me. I'm responsible for deciding whether to do it, so if I do it, it is because I thought so and I'm happy with that. What people said were input, input that is selectively filtered. That way, I'm not bothered by how someone asks.
In a similar way, however, I can't stand it when someone tells me I did something wrong, when I know I did it the best way possible.
Anyway, another excellent post.
Haha well I certainly don't mind comments that contain advice! That doesn't feel like being told what to do. Any kind of advice in general is usually much appreciated.
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